08.22.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:47 pm by elizabeth_grigg
When I was growing up they used to show films in school. The TV was there mounted in the upper corner of the classroom, but there was never good reception or there would be commercials or something. The TV never got turned on.
When the teacher showed us films, with practically no exception, at the end of the film we demanded to see it backwards. (The one execption I can think of was THAT film that we were shown around age 11). Showing the film backwards would be an awesome chance to giggle and extend the watching experience. I remember particularly the tooth decay haunted house film from 1st grade. That one was awesome backwards.
I just wish online media allowed us to play it backwards. All we have are comments. Comments we have to work to be funny.
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Posted in Uncategorized at 2:44 pm by elizabeth_grigg
I am a recent user of postful. I can’t get to the post office to save my life, but when my 7yo is depending on me for letters from home, it’s a necessity. Given that the page is about to turn again, where people only use “e-mail to communicate with old people like you,” what would it be like to develop the next version of postful, such as e-mailful? If all you do is facebook or SMS, you need to get an e-mail to someone sometimes who doesn’t do social networking. Here’s a text revision from the postful site:
So, why would I use this?
Most of us know people who can’t receive e-mailaren’t on facebook. For me, it’s my grandparents. For others it’s a friend in the hospital or in the military. We’d like to write send them an e-mail, but between stamps, envelopes, printing, and mailing acquiring an address that we actually feel like checking for a reply, and sifting through all the junk mail, it doesn’t get done. With Postful E-mailful, it’s as easy as sending an e-mail SMS. You can even create unique e-mail addresses for frequent contacts so that you don’t have to type in their mailing address each time! (Doesn’t translate)
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Posted in Conferences at 2:11 pm by elizabeth_grigg
I’m listening to the chat right now with Mark Bao who is 15 and has sold 3 facebook apps, barely tolerates school, and has +-400 genYs in the gnomedex chat room right now feeding him compliments for standing up for the Ys and listening to him field questions from the boomers.
One person asked Mark if he has the same sense of entitlement that the media accuses his generation of having. What was heard in the room was, entitlement to have a certain set of technology at their disposal at school and work. This was not how the question was intended. What was meant by the question is, does gen Y think the world owes them a living. Do they think they can cruise along without a job, benefits, or retirement account and expect to become the new stewards of our culture as every generation must eventually become (for a time?) That would have been an interesting question to have answered.
I would also like to have the question answered if Gen Y thinks that the world is bigger for their generation or smaller. For example, is it smaller because the people they hang with are filtered via social networking apps so they tend to only meet like minded people? When is the last time you met someone in your generation that you did NOT get along with?
Best quote: The boomers need to turn off mainstream media in order to get a better picture of what is really happening outside of it (such as online).
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Posted in Well-Being at 10:02 am by elizabeth_grigg
Yesteday during business hours I visited Radiology to retrieve the scan of my brain they did in 1998. Next Wednesday I’m attending something called “Peak Health” which has my expectations set very high. This is like the day of beauty they have at the spa, but this is day of health. In other words, doctors capturing your medical history and running tons of tests and scans. Even those little known scans that nobody ever runs. I’m doing this for three reasons. 1) my foot hurts and I don’t think it’s fair anymore. I don’t think I deserve it. I think I have a medical problem. 2) Guilt by association. The only two strange health things that have happened to me health-wise have to be related. They just have to be. Cue appearance of my 1998 immune system attack, and needing to pull those files. Plus, looking at brain scans is cool. 3) I have tried everything else imaginable, and it’s no fun to go to bed with an ice pack. If you think this sounds fun to you, ask my husband. Ice in the bed is no fun. Especially when its not yours.
The Radiology department during business hours is inhabited by people with walkers who have serious health issues and have been waiting in that room for hours. Perhaps they are waiting for their required milky substances to digest. All of them have their caregivers and mostly their daughters with them. As a daughter myself (and what woman isn’t), I had a twinge of fear at how I would ever be able to give in this way, when I have my own issues.
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08.19.08
Posted in Day to Day at 5:51 pm by elizabeth_grigg
Sometimes I get a good title for a blog entry and then no entry to back it up.
The imaginary reader schlogs me on the shoulder. Egrigg! What the hell have you been up to? You haven’t posted to your blog in ages!
Well, dear imaginary reader, I do not know what to say.
1) I watched Batman and lost it. No, not that batman. I’m talking about Batman begins, or batman - 1. batman.previous. Why did I lose it? Because the guy decided all the world’s problems were his to solve. And this, my friend, is INCORRECT and RIDICULOUS. The movie was really long, I was tired, and here was this guy deciding he was going to accept this momentous burden on himself. Like he was a superhero or something. So I sat, and thought, and then decided that I needed to relieve myself of some burdens, especially items. In the house. The clutter. That maybe that would lift the psychic load a little.
2) So this weekend, I raided work for some leftover boxes and packed up - not threw away - some toys. My strategy. If the toys are STILL put away, then they aren’t interesting, and should be stored until claimed. So I dumped the contents of the bins into the boxes (cue sound effect of 1 zillion legos), taped them up, and stacked them in the basement. Then with a broom and a dustpan I swept up all the toys that were on the floor and put those in the bins. 8 boxes I filled up. The house felt transformed. Maybe I’m projecting.
3) I spend 2-3 hours of my life EVERY DAY scheduling. Especially handling people’s exceptions. People want something different? It takes me a day. Say it together folks: RECURRING. It’s a concept.
4) I am in constant and debilitating pain from my stupid foot. I am considering amputation. As a last ditch effort I’m going to take advantage of my employer’s benefit called Peak Health. It’s where they spend 5k on you and scan and prod every last damn thing. Big fun. I’m going to tell them about my foot, and my immune system issues, and everything else, and have them figure it out. Because this is not human. If I’m supposed to be Batman, I need to get me some sleep.
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08.12.08
Posted in Well-Being at 4:46 pm by elizabeth_grigg
A parent of a child with autism is in the Olympics… and she’s local!
Watch this video:
http://www.autismspeaks.org/inthenews/melanie_roach_today.php
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08.06.08
Posted in Technology at 10:49 pm by elizabeth_grigg
The voicemail service I use, YouMail, has just added transcriptions to the feature set. We’re asked to rate the transcriptions with stars ranging from 1 to 5. What number of stars would you give these transcriptions?
Hi this is brian calling from. Pacific medical centers this messages for bass greg then they just want to let them leave you a message regarding the status of the medication that to request to be refilled so I touch no it was faxed over to MEd go on 8408. Do you have any questions or was more if you want more specifics please give me a call xxxxxxxxxx on again this is brian from Pacific medical centers like if.
Maybe 2 stars?
Hi there this is generally calling back from the u. dub ought to some center Elizabeth I got your message um i’m glad they got the reports um in that it came. And arrive safely on and terms of the d-v-d I just am was uh when you to ask a quick question about it so we were able to edit it but we had kind of something. Happen. With in the process and it’s come up with a an odd menu option now that’s kind of a beach scene. Um so we don’t really know how to get rid of it and we’re not to techno technologically advanced over here um so i’m wondering if that would be alright if not we can spend a little more time on it to figure out how to delete that out of there and but otherwise it has this this menu on it so just let me know if it’s alright to send out with it or if well i’m we should figure out how to delete that off um and then the other thing that I wanted to point out to you with that um. I just found out about a a parent education series that’s gonna be offered here at the office and center it’s called ties training information empowerment and support and it’s run by 1 of the speech and language pathologist here jim and see any um I hear it’s gonna be really great so anyway it’s like it’s it’s not too expensive it might be a great resource for you guys that I didn’t include in the report so I can if you wanna give me call I can give you some contact information for trying to set that up. Um and also I had an something I wanted to point out and submit report that I didn’t talk to about and that’s the 100 day cat from watches and speak. On this is a new research that’s really great for families out of jeff received the first time diagnosis um and it’s on the the website um like I think I I put the website link and they’ll report but I just wanted to point that out you because we didn’t talk about it over the phone last week so. Anyway sorry about the long message I just wanted to get this information out to you so you can give me a call back let me know about that d-v-d and if you have any other questions. My numbers xxxxxxxxxx thanks.
I’d like to give this one 2 stars just for effort in transcribing its length. I’m unsure if translating the ums gives it extra points or not.
Hi this messages slickers um Elizabeth greg. This is lisa lisa really know man i’m calling regarding the order that you placed on line. For the for basics natural court sports. Need you to give me a call because of the size wait ask i’m afraid truck. And um I need to discuss that with you find out if we have any options. And authorization to add the shipping amount. Or cancel the order so can you give me a call back please the number is xxxxxxxxxxx. Once again that’s xxxxxxxxxxx and my name is lisa thank you.
Yes, I have been waiting to recieve my natural court sports for quite some time, but I have also been afraid of the truck. Sadly, truckaphobia attacks without warning and affects so many natural sports. Oh well. 1 star.
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07.29.08
Posted in Day to Day at 6:03 pm by elizabeth_grigg
Hi there, I just wanted to let everyone know that I was ok. Actually that’s a blatant lie, but I’m still typing at least. What I’m wondering today is, GIVEN that I have attempted to leave the house yesterday and today, and failed to do so, what makes me think I can actually follow through on the large stack of appointments tomorrow and Friday? Oh, the silliness.
Headline 1. My 4yo and I had a lovely vacation in CA, lots of productive work, seeing friends new and old, lots of pool time. Lego Batman lost his grey hands down the crevices of our equally grey PT cruiser in the parking lot of the Half Moon Bay Ritz Carlton hotel. We sat our grubby selves down on a virgin yellow imported french silk chaise to wait for the tweetup, in mourning of the fragility of all we hold near and dear. Then we tore off Lego Batman’s leg. Mind you, this was the SPARE lego batman, we had already lost the original, may he find his true calling wherever he may be.
Headline 2. We acquired our medical diagnosis of autism spectrum. It has the cute catchphrases we were told to include, special ones for the school district and the insurance company. It has everything we would want. Except, of course, to not exist in the first place. I cried today in front of the telephone while attempting to talk and say how grateful we were for the sense of hope. My body reacts to childbirth better than crying and does it about as often. Needless to say, I’m toast.
Headline 3. No sooner do my parental units return from their trip than we say goodbye to my 7yo for a week away at summer camp.
Headline 4. I am secretly and not so secretly going about the business of acquiring a dog. The backyard is fenced, so there’s nothing to stop me now… hello bohemia!
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07.19.08
Posted in Technology at 6:36 pm by elizabeth_grigg
I hate my computer.
I hate it when I say “shut down,” and then close the lid without waiting for it to do so, the next time I open it up it’s still busy shutting down.
I hate when I try to use batteries the battery meter starts out full and then reduces itself so quickly you can watch it animate.
I hate that it won’t remember my recently used places like it says it can. It just remembers, like, places, and then I have to sort by date to get the oldest of these, and then sort AGAIN by date to get the youngest of these.
I hate how the save as and open file dialogs are not consistent.
I hate how they try to obfuscate the file location by making it automatic, then I have to deliberately browse for a new location to get back to somewhere I actually use.
I hate how the latch is broken so the lid won’t close.
I hate the power cord. That it exists at all.
I hate how I have a choice between a crappy privacy screen or a screen everyone can see.
I hate how there are crumbs in there that I can’t zap away with my super air zapper.
I hate how everything I ask it to do is a super big deal. Like launch IE. Or boot.
I hate how explorer crashes. Windows explorer. At least it admits the problem.
I hate how hitting the X stop button in IE so I can stop if from loading the default page and maybe get some threads back, means I will be staring at the blue donut of evil for even yet longer which means no threads either way. How many threads does it take to NOT do something, eh?
I hate the blue donut of evil
I hate how my mouse button sometimes thinks I was kidding.
I hate how when I turn on the computer it looks like it’s functioning, but really I know to sit tight an meditate or floss or something while it loads up all the systray apps and these all give the messages and statusii they have queued up. Because their needs come before mine.
I hate how it sees no networks, then I reboot, and it sees all kinds of networks.
I hate how sometimes the connectivity icon shows the blue globe and ipconfig has proper DNS but still no internets can be accessed.
I hate how I can’t search for files, I have to open advanced search and tell it to search for non-indexed files too. Makes me miss the stupid dog.
I hate that my computer makes me miss a stupid animated dog, that’s how bad it is.
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Posted in Well-Being at 6:54 am by elizabeth_grigg
I would like to take a moment to address other parents who may be in that awful initial stage of reacting to the news that their child – their OWN CHILD - may be on the autism spectrum. You are likely in quite the testy mood. Defensive. Impatient. Irritable. Faced with a learning curve steeper than Everest and with just as many lives at stake, yet you cannot learn right now, you cannot read, you cannot listen. You’re trying to make it through the next day knowing that what you did was helpful, and frankly, that has not yet happened. In fact, you’re pretty sure what you’ve chosen to do with your precious 10 minutes (which turned into 3 hours) was a complete waste of time.
Your story may be different, your state of mind may be different, than what I am describing. Yet I will not assume that it goes either way. I will not condescend and think I know what’s going on with you, nor will I alienate and say every child is different, and everyone has a unique path. Neither of these states is known to me, they may not even be known to you. I have no resources for you, no books to read, no clubs or websites or campaigns to join. None of that can alleviate where you are right now, which is a combination of (a) maternal or parental overdrive similar to bringing home your firstborn, and (b) wanting to murder anyone and everyone around you who claims they can help and yet lies because they can’t help you TODAY now, can they? The Internet seems built to fill your todo list full of crap, and this website, this statement, will do no such thing.
What I have noticed is where you are right now is an initial stage of what I imagine to be multiple stages. Usually this is what people call a “process” but to me that word is equivalent with “thing that takes a long time so forget about being goal oriented.” Instead, I bring up stages just for the comforting thought that one of the defining characteristics of a stage is that it ends.
Here are the stages I’m aware of:
1: Destroying all that you hold near and dear, namely, your daycare arrangements.
2: Working nights and weekends so that nobody wants to be around you anymore even if you did have the time.
3. Storming the gates of various institutions (medical, schools)
4. Settling
5: Unknown??? You tell me???
Another defining characteristic about these stages that I’d like to offer is that none of them appear to be fatal. To you, at least. And on some days that will seem like very, very good news.
I’m going to take a minute to update you on our story before closing with some specific pointers.
Stage 1: Aborting your existing daycare or childcare situation.
Over the holidays, our 4yo exhibited signs of being very stressed out at “school” (daycare). One of the reasons was he had a new teacher, and he was bonded to his old one, and this made him crabby. He resisted being dropped off, and after being picked up he had dark circles under his eyes, would blab on and on about taking an airplane somewhere, he’d come in the house and throw something, grab a beverage he shouldn’t be consuming, and plonk himself in front of the TV for the night. In other words, he did exactly what I do when I get stressed out. So this got my attention.
Of course I blamed the school and the new teacher. We thought he was developing very normally, it was never a question of that, it was a question of the cheap daycare we were sending him to and whether they could get their act together to treat him better. This request was actually received pretty well, but although he had some good days after that discussion he still had bad ones and we started to get reports of bigger problems. He wasn’t just acting out on the way home, he was acting out while he was at school as well, not participating in circle time, not respecting the personal space of others, refusing to go along with any sort of program. The written reports kindly became verbal, because they did not want to kick us out, and the verbal reports became 45 min long with a telephone afterhours followup to get the list of crimes repeated to us yet again. Reportedly another child was pulled out of this daycare because of my son.
So yes, I am THAT PARENT who raised the heathen that hit your child. We did it on purpose. We’re evil and you should be very very judgmental toward us so I have an excuse to hit both of you next time I see you.
Did I mention irritable?
I asked the teacher during one of these phone debrief sessions… what would you have us do differently based on this information. Are you telling us this in order to have us do something different at home? Do you want us to feed him less peanuts or something? Are you saying it’s our fault somehow? What is the purpose of this long conversation? Several times they accosted the nanny at pickup time, thinking she was interchangeable with us, and the nanny had to listen to all of it as well from even more of a position of powerlessness. At least she was getting paid for her time.
So we pulled him out.
Stage 2: Completely slamming your schedule with ridiculous night shift antics.
Working nights and weekends, searching for adequate childcare, we entered what I realized was stage 2 of the “So your child may be on the Spectrum” roller coaster ride. I think this stage lasted 6 weeks for us, during which time school ended for our oldest son, the nanny quit, and the grandparents left, making the problems just a teensy bit worse. During this stage we received our first piece of actual data, some actual diagnostic information from a thirdparty individual who could point us in the right direction, or any direction. I was mad hearing this info. I thought lots of the info was wrong. I thought this objective person was predisposed to diagnosing him, and if you ask a plumber what’s wrong with your house he’ll say the plumbing.
Stage 3: Storming the gates.
What I didn’t know what that this report I was getting, when I was so tired and cranky and wishing it would end, was pivotal to our ability to layer together several upcoming phases. For we did not go directly on to the hypothetical next stage, the “waiting for the school district” stage. Nor did we go directly on to the OTHER next stage, often taking in parallel, the “waiting for the medical establishment” stage. Because the report that I was so crabby about got us entry into asking the right people for advice, and being in the right place at the right time. It allowed us to storm the gates at the school we wanted, gave us talking points, and let us follow up more quickly and effectively. We got an evaluation with the school district in the summer on a cancellation, because we asked for it, based on the “compelling concerns” related in the report (my paraphrase). We got a medical diagnosis (coming, in a couple weeks), for which current official appointments are out in 2009. Spring 2009.
Stage 4: Settling.
Now we’re in a fourth stage, which I would call settling. We’re signing up for appointments, and some are even happening. The things everyone was saying was blocking our progress are no longer blocking, so now it’s the pedestrian job of getting the info where it needs to go. We have a notebook full of forms to fill out, and it can hardly close. People expect us to have a fax machine, copy machine, and printer in our homes to take care of the minutia. People expect us to write checks and then get reimbursed, and to have that be OK. We don’t yet know where we’ll be in the Fall. That will come out of this work. For some reason I am OK with this uncertainty right now, at least enough OK with it that I can write this article.
One event happened today which is likely a hallmark of the Settling stage. We had our first instance of discrimination. The babysitter who was on the hook to help us out while I am on my Solutions retreat next weekend bailed on us, she said she wasn’t briefed on all the information about my son’s development and was not comfortable taking the job. Perhaps discrimination is an extreme term, but I do not know how to get a thicker skin just yet. The best I can do is to get used to it. The doctor that we spoke to today, whose school declined us due to needing a higher social functioning child, said so today. So he must be right.
Here are some things that I know to be true, just this far into our experience:
1) You will not die from lack of daycare. However, nobody will understand what you are going through. It would help if they did. However, lack of people’s ability to understand you is not fatal.
2) You are a parent. You are not a childcare development professional. The less you fake it, the more credible your information will be.
3) Take time for yourself. If you don’t know how to take time for yourself, thank your lucky stars for this crisis for making it required.
4) Tell your place of work what’s happening. Show them the notebook with the leads you’re following. The workload is equivalent to planning a wedding, formal, for 100 people, while working 2 jobs, in one month. Then, when you get slack, use that time to take time for yourself at least 35% of the time. OK, 40%.
5) If you have money, throw money at the problem. Note that this requires being clever, because you can’t delegate the job you’re doing to work the system. Instead, eat off paper plates, get takeout, bring back the housecleaner, and get to know your full service laundry delivery service.
6) Don’t expect anyone else to understand what you’re going through. If it does happen, revel in it, but know they are likely scarred and unable to offer solace. You need to offer your own solace, before the scars happen.
7) You deserve to live your life and enjoy your life. Maybe not this month, but you have a loving child who needs you happy and attentive. Do not become a basket case, a sacrificial mom / dad who is only a gnarled stump of your former self. It doesn’t matter how many books you’ve read, or whether you know the difference between DIY and ABA. You are qualified. You are your child’s parent, and have great power, but only when not squandered on the mania.
8) This work is infinite. Once you’re sure some sort of early intervention is underway, feel free to set some boundaries with the projects. 2 weeks of actual 8 hour work on your job will not set your child’s development back irrevocably. Juggling means catching the OTHER ball once in a while.
9) Don’t take no for an answer. Be polite, be subtle, and insist that your child be presented with the opportunity that fits his needs. Which one is that? Why, the opportunity that you’ve taken the time to identify, that’s what.
10) Bad time to start a diet, hobbies, new exercise routines, pen pals, get a new cell phone, look for work, acquire new clients, or buy a car.
11) Since you won’t die from this, think wow. There’s a reason this challenge has been given to me. Granted, probably not a good reason, but a reason nonetheless. And that’s why lists usually stop at 10.
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