the cards
I didn't get to see Alice Walker last night. I got as far as saving myself a seat, with my not quite potty trained 3 year old in tow. The plan was to dump him off with his Dad who would drive up at the last minute, so I could stay for the lecture. Then, wouldn't you know, but we had to head off back to the car for a change. (Had to). It was cold, so I chose to use my bag of miscellany to save my seat rather than my coat. Then three blocks in non-sensible shoes and realized we were locked out of the car, my keys were in the bag, the lecture had started, and a horrendous accident on the bridge was delaying Dad's arrival to bail me out. We could walk back, pants ruined, shoes painful, and barge into a lecture in progress to get our keys if they would let us. Or, we could sit down on the grass and wait. The options were so bad I had to sit down just to think about it. Then the child started bolting.
Bolting is when he looks back at you, giggles, and then runs at top speed toward something very far away like three city blocks through traffic. I sat up way too fast, injured myself, and threw my non-sensible shoes violently down on the sidewalk. Then I chased after him in my socks. I'd like to say I wasn't shouting, but I can't. For those of you without kids, this is how you become one of those parents, the ones that non-parents look at and think either "I'll never have kids" or "I would never be like that, not in a million years, no matter how many kids I had." I know this because that's what I used to think.
Anyway a helpful resident bailed us out, got my keys for me, and then we went for waffles. So much for Alice, it just wasn't in the cards.
Speaking of in the cards, I've been drooling over the technical careers weblog again, I have so much to offer the questions they are asking, but it gets so personal and private, and frankly it's a sore subject. Twice I have opened an email to the authors and then closed it without sending. The fact is, I don't want them to take any action on my behalf, I want to win on my merits. I also am not sure I want to change the system. It's like lowering the basketball hoop or something. I think I have to just admit that while I have experiences that can be distilled into bullet points and action items, that a hire for me wasn't in the cards so far. If I took action now, it would imply a level of responsibility toward previous results, and I prefer to think of results as mysterious and alchemic. Plus I'm relived to be able to table the topic for a few months. Perhaps I'll comment long after the thread has died.