elizabeth grigg - the other fourth meal

That statement, followed by a convincingly sincere expression, is a classic in interviews and hardly ever executed well. And this week, I've fallen prey to all the classics. Imagine someone is asking you "What is your greatest flaw?" in a job interview type setting. Your response?
1) "I'm a perfectionist."
2) "I take on too much."
3) "I refuse to give up until it's perfect."
4) "I work too hard."
5) "I can't let go of my job, tied to my cell phone and the e-mail 24/7"

Nobody believes these are honest answers. They just give you too much credit. On the other hand, if you had said something honest like:
1) "I often seem angry and stressed when really I'm busy and happy."
2) "I care what others think of me, and this blocks my ability to listen to them."
3) "I actively sabotage my professional success by having a complex personal life."
If you had said any of these things, you would be believed, but probably not hired. Cest la vie.

However, this week, although I can't say I've overcome the second list, I will say that I'd officially not be lying if I used any of the answers from the first list. In other words, I've stared at my computer demanding that my brain not only think, but pull together a complex project in a mind bogglingly successful way, and have it be perfect too, and my poor brain said sorry bub I've got a fever to catch, go ahead and blame this on yourself if you want but I won't be here to hear it. Transition to being at home wondering why I can't have measurable, gigantic success-type results just any old time I want it. Large wave of self doubt followed by enough guilt to get me back to work and repeat the cycle. It really is a disease. It's not really overachieving. It's more like over-wannabe-achieveing. In other words, much much worse.

Today I looked at the ladies in the doctor's office, who were waiting as support for other patients (mothers, daughters, etc). They were not themselves sick. They had obviously showered and had time to iron something in the past month. Sometimes I get a glimpse of this and think that's what it would be like if I didn't think there was some sort of eventual payoff for doing what I do. Yes I love it, payoff or no, but I also think it makes me happier than anything else. If I stayed home I'd just get compulsive about the ironing.

Anyway, it's been a while since I posted, so I had to write about something. Might as well be honest.