elizabeth grigg - the other fourth meal

This was a week of high drama - in the workplace. As this is not a workplace blog, I won't go into each moment, or any moment really, but the salient point was this was a week where work eclipsed other areas of my life. Today, on Saturday, there is a day of reckoning of sorts.

What does it take to have a full week of work, where your arm feels like it will fall off from holding the phone, your voice has given out, your fingers can't type any more, and the todo list you write in the morning hours has nothing crossed off by the time it's time to turn in. Many things go by the wayside.

* Exercise. I could not even attempt my preferred methods(s). Next week it will be the brain-dead option of 20 minutes on the treadmill in the basement, like it or not, feel like it or not. I did buy a VCR today so I can watch my shows during that time. 50 bucks. Weighs about 6 ounces.

* Sleep. Staring at the ceiling hoping the plan we were coming up with was correct. Curiously, finding some information there. Waking up feeling like we were catching a plane. Stupidly went to go see Deerhoof which was stunning and very Gen-Y of course, but not onstage till 11:30. Gack.

* Meds. Yes, I am still off coffee, but have been using supplements for energy and to fall asleep more quickly. But then I go and not take these because I'm too tired to get out of bed. Doesn't make sense but it happens.

* Social life. Not a single phone call returned. In the doghouse with a few people who mean the most to me. What to do.

* Personal development. Ixne on that.

* Chow. This I was able to hold steady on. My new vegetables and liquor diet is a home run.

Today I found out my brother had an offer accepted on a house in a community called Mill Creek which is north of Seattle. Used to be we could think about selling our place and buy a place out there - or anywhere, Seattle is pretty much tops in terms of price - and we could do this for cash. Now, not so sure. Mill Creek is practically in-town as far as prices go. But what if it were true? I could still work, but no longer for money, same as the Whole Foods CEO. Perhaps some phone calls would be returned with a life under those new terms. Perhaps that page I long to turn would actually grip to my finger, in hopes that I had finally got my fill of this one I still insist on reading. However,  it seems there are no more boonies. All housing is expensive and assumes 2 incomes. We are doing well where we are. I just only wish I could own a car and have some free time is all. Anyway.

Today I signed up 2 people to go to Northern Voice. I think one of those people will be me. However I am not sure I will get the $$ or the prep time together to do a hotel this time. It might just be easier to dash up and back the same day. That conference, and others like it - Blog Business Summit, Mindcamp - are the times I feel most intellectually and socially alive all year. Yet as I write this our youngest falls out of his bed (he insists on sleeping with a huge bear which takes up most of his own space), and cries, and needs soothing, which does nothing for the feeling intellectually and socially alive let me tell you. He is sweet and has a smashin haircut, whatta ladykiller, but these little people are children. They are demanding and they are work. Work is in some ways the same way. Perhaps it would be the best to contrive things so I would not have to work for money, and spend my days jammin with Jim Allchin etc. No question this blog would be better, too, and the novel might get written, and and and.

A long work week leaves me on Saturday morning wondering who I am (besides work). I can't string two thoughts together. I go grocery shopping because the problem is easy and it feels productive to be there. Back at home, I sort through the pile of mismatched socks and gain a 20% match rate which is just phenomenal, really time well spent. I consider what would it take to step up to the next level regarding my place in this world professionally, and know I am nowhere near tooled up enough. If only I was incapable of seeing this potential success, and tasting it too, then I could live in blissful ignorance. However the problem is I do know what it would be like to put even one tenth the effort into my personal/professional intellectual pursuits that I do into the work I do for $$. What you are seeing now is one hundredth. It's really different. I do miss taking that other path.